


My secret.

by idolates



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Character Study, F/F, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-26
Updated: 2020-03-26
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:29:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23320984
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idolates/pseuds/idolates
Summary: Her memories are a confusing jumble of hidden messages. Without a heart, they’re no longer classified as feelings. Just the remains of them, what it should feel like, but it's not real. That's what she told herself anyway.
Relationships: Elrena & Lauriam (Kingdom Hearts), Elrena/Strelitzia (Kingdom Hearts)
Kudos: 9





	My secret.

It was a relief to be without a heart, she thought. She could never pinpoint why- but she thinks when she was a 'somebody' all she knew was regret. _I should've done more, why was I so stupid?_

  
  


That regret bloomed in bounds when she stared too long at Marluxia, like the flowers he could materialize oh so easily. Leaving her bitter, furious at the unknown. What did he see that she couldn't? Why did he always, **always** gaze at her with misplaced affection. Like he was seeing someone else in her eyes.

  
  


One thing she hates the most? Being tricked. Her entire existence as a nobody, and then becoming that gross dude's vessel was one big trick. As far as she was concerned, she never liked anyone, and she definitely never had friends, At the most she tolerated people, if they could be called that. There was no point in caring enough to make friends, not when her entire existence was a hollow echo of something else.

  
  


It was simple enough. She wouldn't of minded being without a heart forever, but of course it couldn't last. _Nothing lasts for me._

  
  


* * *

  
  


_She's laying on her back, legs crossed over another, one foot idly kicking in the air. A girl sitting next to her, laughing at something she must've said but can't recall. The name comes up again and again,_ **_Strelitzia_ ** _. Her entire demeanor is soft, sweet, like a bud yet to bloom. The exact opposite of Larxene. She sees her own hand reach up into the sky, and then_ -

  
  


* * *

  
  
  


Her chest is burning, annoyance at the lack of clarity. She looks at Marluxia, both of their eyes sickly gold hues like honey and she realizes that girl- Strelitzia, looks a lot like him. She wants to be angry at the resemblance, but is met with an overwhelming calm, if she had a heart- it would be at peace being near him. _Partners in crime, right?_

  
  


The longer she existed, the more she recovered. Every memory weighing her down with difficult longing for a time that was no more. Reminiscing on something that would never return.

  
  


It would never return, because she-

* * *

  
  


_She's wandering through an abandoned building, the same one she would sit outside of for hours at a time, not knowing why. A horrid feeling curling in the pit of her stomach like she missed something important. Chirithy follows close along, and then they see it- like garbled static being spewed in front of them taking the shape of the girl that she was so fond of. Lauriam's sister. All she can make out of the noise is Strelitzia crying, in pain, before she falls to the floor, vanishing._

* * *

  
  
  


Turns out they were partners in crime, long before their time together as nobodies. _How ironic_.

Marluxia, Lauriam, doesn't matter which name she calls. If he remembers- Larxene doesn't know, doesn't care to know. It doesn't matter anyway. What good would it accomplish? She failed at helping Lauriam, and she failed at reaching out to Strelitzia in time. If she had put forth more effort in befriending the girl, if she had cared more-

  
  


That regret she could always feel, piling down onto her until she wanted to explode, it would've never started if she took things more seriously, if she had stopped treating everything like it doesn't matter, if she cared-

  
  


" **Elrena**."

  
  


Her name, being called in unison by Strelitzia and Laurium. That's right. Her name **was** Elrena. Or is it her name again? She lost against that half baked hero, third time in a row. Infuriating. How he's so cheery as he tells her she's going to become whole again. She wants to scream, to put on a facade of resentment, but deep down, she doesn’t feel any of that.

  
  


_Not like I've ever won before_.

  
  


Everyone else may have changed, decided that they wanted their hearts back, that they wanted to be whole. That they wanted Sora to win in the end, but not her. For once she wants to win, even if it's something as petty as refusing to to answer. Nobody deserves to know about her, No one. She'll take those memories of the ones she considered friends- even if she wasn't the greatest friend to them, to her grave.

  
  


"My secret." Maybe someday, she can reunite with Strelitzia and Lauriam. Apologize to them. She’s not the type to make excuses for her behavior, but she wants to tell them, specifically- she’s sorry for not realizing how serious things were. She’s sorry for not doing more to help.

  
  
As she fades away, she can see Strelitzia's and Lauriam's face, crystal clear for once. No longer marred by the passage of time. Larxene feels a genuine smile tug at her lips, something she’s never felt before.

**Author's Note:**

> larxene is my fav kh character but she needs therapy. like she insists on hating everything & everyone no matter what but then i galaxy brained and realized... she still needs therapy but she genuinely did care about marluxia & strelitzia.


End file.
